


To Live Not Just Survive

by idrilhadhafang



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Slow Burn, fake engagement, impending character death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-07-17
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:00:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 869
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25341340
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: As a promise to his dying mother, Poe fakes an engagement and upcoming wedding to his roommate and best friend, Ben Solo.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Ben Solo, Poe Dameron/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Kudos: 4
Collections: The Darkpilot Aquarium, The Darkpilot Library





	To Live Not Just Survive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AquaWolfGirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AquaWolfGirl/gifts).



> Disclaimer: I own nothing. 
> 
> Author’s Notes: Aqua gave me this prompt long ago: 
> 
> “ Poe promised his ill mother he would try to find someone so that she can see him wed before she passes. Well, she's declining in health. And quickly. He talks to his roommate and best friend Ben, knowing that they would only have to keep up the charade for a few months. They won't get a license, they'll play wedding but it won't be legal. They just need it to show Poe's mom. Of course they become too attached to the idea, and by the time the date actually rolls around, neither of them wants to tell the other they really want it to be a real wedding.”
> 
> I hope I do it justice, Aqua! Title from “Angel With A Shotgun” by the Cab.

It was a while before Ben and Poe were allowed to see Shara, and it was there that Poe felt like he’d been punched in the chest looking at her. 

Shara Bey looked tired. More than tired, lying in a hospital bed, clearly having lost quite a bit of weight, thin, her usually golden-bronze skin seeming almost washed out, but she beamed even as Poe and Ben walked in. “My two boys.” Even her voice sounded whispery. It didn’t sound right. She should be sounding more vibrant, Poe thought. 

”Hey, Mama.” Poe swallowed. He could feel tears pricking his eyes.

”How have you been?” Shara said. 

”Looking for jobs,” Ben said. “Hasn’t been easy. Not since we both graduated.” 

“Did you?” Shara murmured, sounding amazed. “Ben, Poe — I’m so proud of you both."

”It was a good ceremony,” Poe said. “Though the party afterwards...” He grimaced. “Snap got drunk and decided to, um, regale us with his karaoke.”

”God, Poe; I was trying to forget that,” Ben groaned. 

Shara laughed. It sounded like a death rattle, but at least, Poe thought, they got her laughing. "Surely it wasn’t that bad?”

”He sounds like a dying rabbit. In a garbage disposal.” Ben said. 

”Yeah. He decided to botch ‘Wicked Game’. Trying to impress Jess.” Poe sighed. “Still, I feel bad for him. It’s not like it’ll work; Jess is gay as gay can be.”

”Surely there’s someone else he can impress?” Shara said. 

”Kare’s interested in him, but he’s...obtuse,” Ben said. “And that’s our college graduation party drama. Well, part of it.”

They talked, trading stories — Shara trading stories from the hospital, Ben and Poe stories from the college graduation party. It was good to laugh. To make Mama happy. Considering she was going through a lot right now...

Shara eventually said, “Poe...promise me you’ll find someone. Someone who makes you happy. Here...”

She slipped off her ring, slid it into Poe’s hand. 

”Mama,” Poe said. “You don’t have to do this.”

”You deserve happiness. Both my boys.”

”You won’t die,” Poe said. “You’re a warrior; you’re going to beat this...”

”Even warriors have their time,” Shara said. “But have a good life. A wonderful life. Make me proud by doing that, at least...”

”I love you, Mama.” Poe whispered. 

Shara smiled. “I love you too, little bird. The ring’s a gift. Keep it.”

***

”Poe?”

Ben’s voice was soft even as they exited the hospital. Poe didn’t know if he really could speak; everything felt like it was detached from reality. Like he was cut out from the rest of reality. Numb. It was Ben’s hand squeezing his shoulder that thankfully brought him back to reality. 

”I can’t believe she’s going,” Poe said softly. He remembered what his mother had said once, about how a parent dying felt like the child’s world was ending. 

"I know.” Ben swallowed even after he said it. “Poe...can I hug you?”

Poe nodded. He wouldn’t deny that he needed one right now. And as he was swept in to a hug, he found that there was something stabilizing about being swept into Ben’s arms, being held close. 

Ben was huge. Muscular. Poe couldn’t help but feel small next to him, but he found that he didn’t mind. He should have been scared of it, of the idea that Ben could snap him in half like a twig. 

It was comforting instead. 

”At least we can do something to make her happy. Before she goes.” Poe murmured. 

“Yeah.”

”Ben...maybe we should talk about this at the apartment.”

***

This was a bad idea. This was a very bad idea. It was one thing to go along with a marriage charade just to make Mama happy, but to do it with Ben? Ben, his best friend that he was certain he was developing feelings for. It was one of those moments where he noticed Ben’s wit, his kindness that was there even though he joked about Poe’s “good nature" rubbing off on him, the way that his whole face seemed transformed when he smiled. Ben reminded him of the Ninth Doctor from Doctor Who, if Poe was to be perfectly honest; someone who was prickly, but the kindness was there. 

(Maybe that would make Poe his Rose. His platonic Rose, that is. There was no way in hell this marriage would ever be real)

They sat across from each other in the apartment they shared. And Poe spoke. “Ben,” he said, “If there’s anyone I trust with this, it’s you. You’re prickly at times. But in the end, fundamentally, you’re kind.” A beat. “Benjamin Bail Solo...even if it’s just for a few months, would you fake-marry me?”

The way that Ben’s smile lit up his face before fading away was enough to make Poe feel like his heart had been lanced. He’d do anything to put that smile on Ben’s face for real. 

”Poe,” he said. “Anything.”

Poe took his mother’s ring from out of his pocket, slipped it on Ben’s finger. "I almost expected something more grand on my part,” he said. “Like something out of a movie."

Ben smiled faintly. "We have all the time in the world to pretend.”


End file.
